First Day of School

{This is Caleb's 1/2 excited/ 1/2 not look.}

I will willingly admit that I am the mom who hates when the kids go back to school. 

Don't get me wrong, I look forward to the house staying clean longer than 10 minutes, the fighting to be at a "stand still" at least until after school, and  to accomplishing the tasks I have more easily with two kids at home rather than five. I also look forward to snuggling my two youngest a lot more than I normally have the chance to. 

Truthfully???

  I hate school  because it just flat out scares me. 

I know... I know!
 I shouldn't let fear rule me, but hey, I am human.

I worry that I may have fallen short as a mom in teaching them. I worry that they might make a wrong choice. I worry that they may not have good friends. I worry, worry, and worry.

 I tend to like to have all control when it comes to my children and not let them fail. { Satan's side, I know...darn I am human!} 

I feel liked a warped mother hen. 

She keeps her chicks tucked under her wing to keep them from the harsh things of the world and when the time comes she lets them go to learn on their own. While I still tend to ruffle my tail feathers in stubbornness, instead of letting them go, I just sit on my chicks keeping them fully away from the world.

I know that I have to trust that they will make good choices, choices built on the things they have learned from church and home. I  know that failure is part of our mortal journey, that failure can have sometimes a  far more reaching affect of making us better than we are.  So why is it that I KNOW these things and just tend to let fear rule me?  Is it maybe the harsh judgments of others?  

 Perhaps.

I have been in a situation where a child of mine has made a wrong choice and another parents unChristlike actions caused real hurt.

 I can handle it, I am a big girl, but to see my sweet child suffer at the hands of another adult was almost too much!  Yet we learned, moved on, and grew from the experience.

 Still, I can't seem to fully let go of the "what if's."

I am sure we all have these moments as mothers. 

Don't we just want what is best for our children? I know I do.

So I will just have to keep on trying to overcome the "fearful" part of me. 

All I can do is hope and trust that when my children are faced with challenges and struggles they will do the right thing. And if not, at least learn from their mistakes.

This is my constant battle. 

To let them learn on their own.

Sigh....

Maybe it should be me in the above picture,  jumping for joy with high caged walls on all sides of my children.

Do you think they would be jumping too?

Probably not.

Man I just love these kiddos!